S1 E5 The Crackpots and these Women
by JDPostEpisodeChallenge
Summary: written by Supernatural Mondler Summary: the one where someone's eyes are opened


What really surprised Josh was the fact that, of all the crazy, confusing things that had happened to him today, the one that he was still fixated on was Sam's comment comparing his sibling-like relationship with Cathy to Josh's relationship with Donna.

It had been nothing more than a throwaway comment in the middle of a conversation, and shouldn't have been cause for pause, but something about it just threw Josh for a loop. Of course he and Donna were close; they all had special bonds with their assistants. He spent more time with her than he did with any other person on a given day, she knew him better than anyone in the world (his mother included, something she had commented on when she had visited last year), and he had long ago decided that he was willing to cause physical harm to anyone who hurt her. She was the closest thing to family he had in DC, Sam was right.

So why did thinking of Donna as his sister sit so uncomfortably with him?

He looked up at the tap on his door.

"I thought you went home," Donna spoke softly as she poked her head in. They had left the residence almost an hour ago, and most of the staff had said goodnight then. Josh hadn't felt like going back to his apartment by himself, though. Returning the NSA card to Leo had eased his conscience some, but he still felt rattled by the recent events so he decided that the least he could do was try to get something done.

The bullpen had been empty, or so he thought, so he was more than a little surprised to see her still there too.

"No, I figured I'd get through a few more of these briefings before calling it a night," he replied, holding up a folder for her to see. "What are you still doing here?"

"I was helping Margaret find something for Leo and I came back to get my things. You should go home, it's late enough already."

Josh waved her off. "You go ahead."

Donna furrowed her brow before stepping fully into Josh's office and closing the door behind her.

"Do you need to talk about something?" she asked. "You've been acting strange all day. More strange than usual."

"Donna—" Josh began.

"And I know CJ talked to you earlier, we all noticed that you were late for dinner. You said you wanted to get some reading done then, too," she interrupted. "I'm starting to think that that's just how you cope with, well, whatever you need to cope with, and while there are certainly worse coping strategies, you'd probably feel a lot better if you talked to someone."

"You know I already talked to CJ."

"And clearly that wasn't the problem, because here you still are," Donna reminded him. She took a seat across from him at his desk and heaved out a sigh. "Look, I understand if you don't want to talk, or you don't want to talk to me, or whatever. But you know you can, right? I mean, if you ever need to, not just for this. I know I complain about you calling me at home, but I'd drop everything in a minute if you needed me. You know that, don't you?"

And Josh thought that yeah, he did know that, because he felt the same way. If he knew she was hurting, he would do whatever it took to make that feeling go away for her. Maybe it's because that's what family does for each other, or maybe it's because he shared a deeper bond with her than he had with anyone before.

Whatever the reason, he found he couldn't doubt the sincerity of her words, and suddenly wanted to tell her exactly what had been on his mind, because if anyone in the world could soothe his anxieties it would be her.

"My meeting today, with the NSA guy," Josh began. "It wasn't a block of cheese day meeting. He gave me a card, with…instructions. On where to go in case of…in case something happens."

"Something?"

"A nuclear attack. A…smallpox outbreak. Anything." Josh took a shaky breath. "It was just me though. CJ, Sam, Toby, you, none of you would come with. So I gave it back. Because if the world's ending, I don't wanna run away. Especially if you can't. I've just been…I don't know, feeling guilty about it, I guess." He trailed off with a shrug as Donna stood up slowly and started to walk around his desk.

"I'm going to hug you now, okay?" she warned. "One, because I think you need one right now, and two because that was about the sweetest thing you've ever said and I can't not."

Josh allowed himself to be pulled into a standing position and Donna wrapped her arms around him. He returned the hug instinctively, enjoying the sensation of being held by her.

"That's what CJ said too," Josh said quietly, and he felt Donna laugh against his neck.

"Then it must be true," she whispered. "Is it bad that I almost wish you hadn't done that?"

"Done what?"

"Given back the card."

Josh took a step back, just far enough to see her face without leaving their embrace completely.

"What?"

"I just…oh god, this is going to sound so stupid," she shook her head with a laugh. "If there ever was a nuclear apocalypse, I'd feel a lot better knowing that at least you were somewhere safe."

"It doesn't sound stupid," Josh replied, burying his face in her neck again. He felt her arms tighten around him as he did so. "Because that's exactly why I had to give it back. There's no way I could ever sit in a bunker somewhere knowing that you _weren't_. If we're going down, I'd rather we go down together."

"Oh, Josh," she sounded like she was getting emotional, and Josh didn't blame her, feeling a bit choked up himself. He hadn't cried over this yet, but he supposed that here in his office with just Donna, knowing that he _could_ , all his emotions were forcing their way to the surface.

Suddenly he felt her hand come up to stroke the back of his head soothingly and he realized that, yeah, he was crying, tears and heaving chest and all. Donna sounded like she had started too, so they just stood there in his office, holding each other and crying over something that in all likelihood will never come to pass. Josh might have felt a little ridiculous if it didn't feel so cathartic.

Which, in all honesty, was probably something else to address, that they had now been hugging for multiple minutes and not only was it not uncomfortable, but Josh felt like they could stand here and it would never be uncomfortable. Which brought him back to his earlier musings as he wondered if Sam and Cathy would ever do this.

 _Of course not_ the rational part of his brain reminded him. Because this isn't how bosses and assistants behave with each other, no matter how close they are. _That's because Donna's not just your assistant_ that same section of his brain chimed in again, and Josh found it very difficult to dispute that given the current circumstances.

"We should probably get home," Donna said eventually, once they had both gotten their emotions more or less in check.

"Yeah," Josh agreed, his voice rough from the crying. He squeezed her tightly once more, reluctant to finally let her go, before lifting his head from her shoulder, and she did the same. Josh gently wiped a stray tear from her cheek and she smiled shyly back at him.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and let her go completely, turning back to gather his things from his desk. He fumbled with the files for a moment, very aware that Donna was still standing close to him, watching him. After a moment, she put a hand on top of his, stilling his movements.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked. He turned to meet her eyes.

"You were my first thought," he responded, knowing that he wasn't really answering the question. "When they gave me the card. I assumed that the rest of senior staff would get one, but I didn't even think about that until later. You were the first person I thought of." He shook his head with a laugh. "I've spent all day trying to figure out what the hell that means."

"And?" Donna was very close now, practically pressed against his side, her hand still covering his. "What did you figure out?"

"That for some reason," Josh spoke slowly, as if he was still piecing everything together in his own mind, which he supposed he was. "You mean more to me than anyone else in the world." He turned his head slightly so he was looking at her. "Is that okay?"

Donna smiled. "That's perfect," she replied, squeezing his hand and stepping back. Josh blinked as he readjusted to her being so far away. Somehow in just the past few minutes, his world had realigned itself to include her as an extension of him, and now that she was standing near the door he felt…not empty, exactly, but certainly not as great as he did a moment ago.

"Well?" she interrupted his thoughts. "You coming?"

"Coming?"

"Josh," she said patiently, though she had a glint in her eye that suggested she was teasing a bit. "In case you hadn't noticed, we're the only ones still here. It's time to go home."

"Oh." Right. Home. His apartment. By himself. Pretty much what he had been trying to avoid by coming back to his office. He returned to the task of gathering up some papers, hoping to give himself something else to focus on for the few hours he was away from work, just in case he was still unable to find sleep.

"Josh," she stopped him again.

"Hmm?"

"You're not gonna need those." Josh looked up to see her smiling, nodding at the pile of papers he was attempting to shove into his backpack.

"Huh?"

"Well I can't exactly let you go home by yourself after all that," she responded casually, as Josh felt his brain short-circuit.

"You—?"

"Just to sleep," she added. "I just don't want you to be alone right now. I could even stay in your guest room if that's better. Unless you want…?"

"I want," Josh answered immediately. He wasn't even entirely sure what he wanted, and he didn't think she knew either, he just knew that he wanted it. Whatever she wanted, he was in.

Donna grinned fondly and Josh smiled back as he dropped everything where it was and rushed to close his backpack. He heard her laugh at him and that just made him smile more because it just felt so normal, like every interaction between them had been leading up to this.

Their relationship had completely shifted, Josh could tell. No grand declarations had been made, but the snippets of confessions were enough, and Josh was practically buzzing with the anticipation of seeing where it would go.

"Josh."

Josh froze and looked up sheepishly at her tone.

"We have time," she softened, and Josh felt himself relax immensely at her words.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay," he nodded, finally succeeding in gathering his things and switching off the lamp by his desk. He joined her by the door and reached around her to open it. Right as he grabbed the handle, her hand closed around his and he turned his head towards her. Before he knew what was happening, her mouth was on his and instinctively he brought a hand up to cup her face and he felt her arms wrap around his body.

It was over almost as quickly as it happened, and he looked at her with amusement once she had pulled back.

"Less pressure for later," she shrugged. Josh laughed as he followed her out into the empty bullpen.


End file.
